Confession II

As the time spent together decreases the days,
I felt a change ever since that day,
swear to god that I didnt mean to tear,
but I just cant help it, it was too overwhelming due to those reasons,
piling up one after another.
Bottling it, swallowing them, as the crack slowly appear,
so did the tears.

I realised that it has been quite awhile I started writing for you until recently,
cause I really have no where else to share my thoughts and feeling,
this seems to be the best and ideal option for me to do so.
Thinking of you day and night is all that I ever wished for,
right now even though we are next to each other,
my mind and soul has flew all the way to your side.
Cant imagine what will happen in that 2 weeks, will it be worst or similar to Siem Reap.
Still I really wish to cope with numerous things and hope that I can work like nobody's business,
numbing myself, until you can appear again.
Wish to adopt your life when you were hurt emotionally in relationships,
work the hell out of yourself like nobody knows and cares then just go to school,
reach home shower sleep, too tired to think of anything, hoping to see you in dreamland

Its not that you never do it or havent tried your very best,
the problem just lies with me?
you are right of what I have turned into,
which I must seriously stop and controlled to get everything that have down the drain,
back into it all over again.
Really wish there is enough for me to set aside a certain amount for the things I would wish to get,
everything for shopping!
Everytime when I wish to stop this month,
there would always be new things getting my attention that will be released in next month or so,
how can this continue?
Honestly, I swear that I am aiming to stop by December.
From December onwards, no more spending above 100,
Unless you approve on the sale, like above 20% then I will get it,
if not it will be out of question

Clothes, Nail Polishes, Shoes, Bags, Wallets.
These things make me drools most of the time, its all these things that kills me the most.
Even though most of them were from myself,
but things are not suppose to be spent this way.
I MUST STOP, I MUST PROCRASTINATE 2 knifes, I must hit 2 knifes by the end of Feb!

Cheers.
God bless you:)
Your presence is all that I wished for,
your safe return is all that I ever prayed for.
My addiction is is all that I ever want to be down history permanently.